Lighter side: Ridiculous resume mistakes

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A hilarious error can make a CV stand out just as much as a well put together resume.

Chances are you’ve seen your share of unintentionally fantastic mistakes over the years.

Luckily, international staffing firm Robert Half has kept a record of its best CV blunders and put them on a dedicated website called Resumania.

Here are a few that made us laugh out loud:
 
Hilarious cover letter statements

“You are going read this letter and think I am either too serious or a complete flake.”
“Hire me today and take advantage of a diamond in the ruff.”
“I'm attacking my resume for you to review.”
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know I'm looking to change jobs."
“I recently launched my own business, but since it's quickly losing money, I need a job.”
“As my career with the WWE begins, I will need to have a day job. Professional wrestling does not pay very well in the beginning.”
 
Quirky qualifications

“I have the brain of a sponge.”
“I like to hire and fire people.”
“I am good-looking, so I really feel I'm cut out for advertising.”
“I can ear 30 hot dogs in less than a minute; also good at team sports.”
“Able to fit a whole Moon Pie in my mouth.”
"Fluent in both English and Spinach.”
 
Off-beat objectives

“To get an opportunity to proof what I know.”
“I want to someday collect brown-haired Barbies.”
“I would like to find a home to stay until it's time to go out to pasture.”
"To work very hardly.”
“Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.”
“To be revered as a Goddess for my analytical skills; to be admired and talked about for my creative and elegant ideas; to work for a group that's still in it to have fun and make That Dream come alive; to be surrounded by good people who laugh often and whose own personal motivation inspires me; to forge consensus and sow encouragement in those around me.”
 
What brilliant blunders or quirky claims have you come across in resumes?
 
  • Justin B. on 2014-08-08 12:19:04 PM

    Talking with the senior HR Generalist at my work about resumes and applications was very enlightening for me. Being in HR, I know how to write a good cover letter, resume etc; I know the dos and don'ts. So reading some of the mistakes and poor email communication in our last batch of hiring has been frustrating.

    Then it was pointed out to me that these people are not sitting down and thinking to themselves "Time to write a terrible resume and send it off!". Now, some are sloppy and haven't put in enough time, but most people know that trying to get hired is a big deal. So why are their applications not very good? Because they have never been taught what a good application is like! So if I judge them harshly on their grammar mistakes (for jobs that don't require writing), then I could be losing good candidates.

    Anyway, just really opened up my mind to not assume just because I have expertise in an area, that everyone does.

  • Elaine on 2014-08-08 12:41:41 PM

    One resume I received had a typo - the individual's current job was supposed to read: Shift Supervisor but they omitted the "f". Either that or they had crappy employees.

  • Rod on 2014-08-09 8:48:36 AM

    I still remember receiving a resume many years ago now. It was very professional and well written. The candidate was well qualified for the job. The last line of the resume under the category other qualifications the candidate had written, "Able to leap buildings in a single bound", like superman! I laughed at first, but was intrigued at why this individual would put this on his resume. I interviewed the candidate, and ended up hiring him. He had a great sense of humour, and ended up being a outstanding employee!

  • Sharon on 2014-08-14 12:12:22 PM

    Good one Elaine! Nice to see at least some HR practitioners still have a sense of humour! Rod - great call on interviewing the employee with the offbeat comment - I've always had a soft spot for people who are willing to put themselves out there and stand out from the crowd - even if just with a single comment.

  • Ruben Benmergui BA, MIR, LLM, CHRP on 2014-08-18 2:29:52 PM

    I've also collected these over the years for my resume and job search seminars. Two that quickly come to mind are:

    "Dear Sir or Madman" and the resume that was signed by two candidates who explained that they were sharing the resume (True!).

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