Lighter Side: Chef’s hilariously honest job advert goes viral

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Employers are often criticised for sugar-coating job advertisements and skipping over the less-attractive elements of a role – but one chef definitely can’t be accused of that after he posted a comically candid ad online.

The post’s header – “Looking for someone fast, progressive, and not a total **** for a new restaurant in Clarkston,” – is fairly indicative of what’s to follow.

The advert – which has now gone viral – begins with a brief explanation of why he’s looking to hire; “I have no problem working seven days a week, but on the off-chance I break my foot or get third-degree steam burns on my face I need someone who can work unsupervised and still make quality food.”

And an explanation of what the restaurant is like; “It's a breakfast/brunch/lunch place to start, but there are no eggs benedicts. Go on, wrap your head around that and then continue reading. I'll wait.”

The mystery chef – known only as Justin – expresses his frustration at the repetitive recruitment process.

Last time I was hiring for a place I got over 400 CVs. You know how long it takes to read 400 CVs? Too f*cking long. So don't waste anyone's time.”

“Send me a real cover letter too, if you're the cover letter type. If you have one that says you're a ‘hard-working team player that can also function well alone’ and that you ‘value customer service and punctuality’ I will stab myself in the face with a pencil and nobody will get a job.”

The UK-based boss also describes, in the most straight-forward and stripped-back of manners, exactly what he needs in a new recruit; “I need a second in command to bang out a ton of semi-fancy food in a kitchen the size of a closet, and you also have to put up with my wife because I do, and she's the real boss.”

Luckily, he’s not too picky on the type of person he wants; “I don't care if you're super outgoing or actually mute. I don't care if you've got tattoos. I don't care if you only work in kitchens to get away from your horrible significant other. I don't care about anything other than that you're fast enough not to be in the weeds constantly and you want to be part of something genuine and good.”

The brutally honest chef – who is opening up his own venue in Glasgow, Scotland – also reveals what a new hire can expect in way of a salary.

“The money is sh*t. It's £7/hour and a cut of the tips. Don't ask for more because I don't have it. You'll literally be making more than me because I am essentially working for free until the place is paid off.”

However, the less-than-appealing position does come with benefits.
“I'll also let you order food for yourself at wholesale cost to compensate for the sh*te pay. That's the best I can do.”

Finally, the somewhat tactless chef shows his softer side – to the applicants who have made it that far.

“I promise if you're good you'll be full-time in no time and I'll take care of you. I know how horrible this industry is, and I 'm not looking to take advantage of anyone or burn you out so I can go on holiday all summer. It's going to be a hard job, but I genuinely think we can do something refreshing and different in this city, so if that seems like the type of thing you're into, email your CV and we'll make it happen.”

And concludes with this gem; “If you think I sound like an obnoxious d*ckhead, congratulations. You are observant and will go far in life. Don't let it discourage you, though. I'm only a d*ckhead for the first three years you know me. After that I'm a total sweetheart.”

Click here to read the full and frank job advertisement.

Do you wish you could be this up front and honest in your job ads? If so, what brutal truths would you reveal?

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