How to balance being liked with being respected

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Most leaders would prefer their employees to like them but it’s not the be-all and end-all for HR professionals, warns one industry VP, who says earning the workforce’s respect is far more important.

“You gain respect by the quality of your advice and your ability to present a balanced view – much more so in HR now than many years ago when it was simply about firefighting and placating people,” says Halogen software’s VP of HR, Dominque Jones.

“Now, it’s very much about balancing the needs of the employees and the needs of the business at the same time,” she continues. “It’s about your ability to connect with the business, understand the business and have good conversations about the business.”

Jones also stresses that HR professionals must “talk the walk” if they want to be respected by their workforce.

“Your actions have to support what’s coming out of your mouth,” she told HRM. “That’s not just in HR, that’s for anybody – especially anyone in a leadership position.”

Ontario-based Jones added that HR professionals failing to practice what they preach would soon lose the respect of their employees.

“Having a double standard or people thinking there’s a double standard is one of the quickest ways anyone can lose respect,” she stressed. “You can’t respect a leader you don’t trust.”

But being liked and being respected aren’t mutually exclusive, insists Jones.

“Part of what drives whether you’re liked or respected is showing that you’re human and that you’re not so far removed and you’re not so professional that things don’t impact you or affect you in the same way it does other people,” she told HRM.

“It’s a way to build connections with people,” she continued.

While Jones admits she would never form close friendships at work or invite colleagues to socialize on the weekend, she says she can still share personal stories and jokes with her team – from managing difficult parents to juggling the demands of having kids.

She also stressed that HR professionals should try and dispel the out-dated myth that the industry isn’t up for having any fun.

“There’s no reason why you as an HR professional can’t let your hair down,” she told HRM, admitting she’s engaged in an office lip-sync battle or two.

“Don’t be afraid to make a bit of a fool of yourself in the spirit of fun, in the spirit of driving collaboration,” she added. “You actually gain respect that way.”

Of course, there is a limit and HR professionals who have strayed too far into the “being liked” side of the spectrum might have a difficult time regaining their employees’ respect, warns Jones.

“I think if you’ve had your employees’ respect and you’ve managed to lose it because you pushed the boundaries – that takes longer to earn back,” she said.

“I would say – and it takes a lot of courage to do this – but being upfront about that and acknowledging you made a mistake might be the best way forward,” she advised.

“I think some form of public acknowledgement that you shouldn’t really have gone or shouldn’t really have participated and that you’re going to remove yourself from it going forward might be best but then you’ve got to follow through behaviour people can see on a sustained basis.”

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